I went back into town later on, to grab a coffee with a friend who was bringing what is officially the prettiest dog in the world – Betty. Betty is an 11 week-old miniature Jack Russell and ridiculously affectionate. A magnet for children and old ladies. Particularly, and unfortunately, the woman I have dubbed ‘ooh int she GAWjus’ woman. The first time we encountered her she uttered the words ‘lovely’ and ‘gorgeous’ (and here you may think I exaggerate, but no, no, no sadly not) at least 50 times. I was contemplating gouging out my eyes with a plastic spoon just by way of a distraction when she finally waddled off. Several days later ooh-int-she-GAWjus meted out the same treatment to a rottweiler. I kid you not… Never have I been so sorry to see an animal muzzled.
Anyway, earlier today as Betty sat on my lap attempting to remove my aftershave, I noticed a 5p piece under the next table. A woman was sitting there with her little girl. I checked the 5p wasn’t theirs. It wasn’t. I picked it up, smiling in what clearly wasn’t a winning way, and explained that I wasn’t in fact a weirdo, nor was I so hard-up that I was keeping it for myself. She looked at me as though I had climbed onto her table and left something unspeakable on her panini.
Oh well. Betty doesn’t think I’m weird.